Effective doesn’t even wrap up our historically verifiable rates of success, but if what we do could be explained in a single word, I guess it would have to be “perfect”. Yes, what we do is effective, permanent and in unequivocal senses perfect.*
Once the kids eventually get to graduate from our camp, they embody the following characteristics with a 78-94% rate**:
- They will respect authority
- Kids have a new appreciation for even so little as simply being alive
- They will listen to what they are told without fail, and even with eagerness
- Your kid or kids will act on any orders given in a stern voice
- Your children will forever cower in reaction to any screaming voice
- Your kids will eat any food they are given, even scraps, even vegetables, even food from Arby’s.
If your child won’t concentrate, the future of yourself and your progeny is in the best hands here. Our concentration camp is designed with exactly your lifestyle in mind, and we will stop at nothing to make your precious golden star mind his P’s, Q’s and any other lettered manners as requested, while shutting his trap and doing exactly as he’s told, or else… if you catch my meaning.
Does this sound brutal? It should only sound brutally honest. This is what your child needs, and we respect that you lack the steel of heart to “punish” your baby for transgressions. You don’t have to hear the whip crack to know that it’s working, just leave that to us, You shouldn’t have to stand around while your sausage is ground into the tasty treat you and your cardiologist both enjoy, so put your faith in us, let us be “the bad guys”, and enjoy the end result, which is an obedient, happy, future oriented, successful child.
* We can not make any guarantees. Claim of “unequivocal success” should not be taken literally nor metaphorically for reasons of legality, practicality and fact.
** Rates are estimated, unverified and can’t be used as baseline for any but conversational purposes.
