If you’ve got more out-of-control teenager than you have rainy-day-dollars to spare, you and your youngster may need the fortunate benefits of off-book medical research. Until recently, our camp was only available to those of highest affluence, and that was exactly the sort of something we weren’t proud about by a modest mile.

Today the game has changed 180-degrees (Fahrenheit, not Kelvin) and not just because of those odd, random churches whose coffers seem have a greater amount of available revenue than common sense. Thanks to the likes of a number of ‘major pharmaceutical’ companies, whom we’re forbidden from listing by name due to our contract, the benefits of our camp can be enjoyed at deep discounts by almost any pupil.

This means that if your junior is out of hand, for whatever reasons, and your pocket book remains restrained, it’s entirely likely that we’ve got the solution for you, so long as you don’t have a problem with your little girl being applied with makeup that’s been used for decades around the globe, but hasn’t yet earned FDA approval status in the United States. That’s a rare instance, with the more common one being myriad toxins, but either way, it’s a discounted discipline camp, so if this is right for you financially, you’re coming out ahead.

Registered, verified, bona fide Medical Research is something we’ve always permitted here at the Kids Concentration Camp™, but it wasn’t something we much talked about, or ever took any amount of compensation for, in trade. But thanks to a solo smartass judge, two rulings against us, and a slew of new state regulations, we’re now in a better position than ever to make these programs available to your child, and in ways that can benefit your junior in ways he or she is unlikely to fully understand until they are well into their 30s!

Now, instead of simply permitting the research to take place (which we always have), we’re now forced to disclose that such research may take place, but we’re also mandated by state license to demand payment for it, and allowed by the grace of God to extend appropriate discounts to the children that knowingly, willingly participate.

That means that you can opt your kiddo out of whatever experiments are being performed by the state licensed grad students, all of whom are in pursuit of masters or doctorate degrees they can only earn by studying the effects of our methods as they pertain to being thrown on top of your child, who is already subject to these rules regardless. At the same time, you can opt your child IN to the programs for due discounts to tuition so long as you permit the results to be anonymously reported and published.

In effect, our hearty subsidy program holds the potential to make this world a better place, however improbable it may seem when you twelve-year-old daughter has her barely-budding nipples clamped to series-ganged electrodes. This obviously isn’t for everyone, but if you don’t have the money to put out to get your child in line, it may be behoovy of you to opt-in to medical experiments. It will make your child a better kid, and ultimately, a better human being, a better adult, and the perhaps even the most powerful and prolific human abuser in the history of all history, which may or may not be a good thing, but you’ll have also signed on for us to observe that, so we’ll surely have some study results for that as well.