If you’ve got a child, then there’s no doubt that you have questions. Hopefully, we have the answers for you. Our most commonly asked questions are listed below with answers, but if you have more questions, just send us an email and we’ll be happy to write back to you as soon as possible.
What if I can’t afford to intern my girl or boy?
We have a number of alternative payment methods available to parents who have come to the unfortunate realization that they need to place their child in a full-time, in-patient program. If you are not a good enough parent to afford our program, that might be part of the problem right there, but we still care about your child just as much. Please read our financial options page to understand the many, various possibilities that you and your child may qualify for.
Is it “In-Patient” or “Impatient”
Well when it comes to attention deficient children, the difference is irrelevant. They need to be treated here in our facility, and they need to be treated right about now, which is to say post-haste, or quicker, if at all humanly possible.
Can’t I just medicate my child to get them to pay attention?
Yes you can, but by that, what we really mean is; no you can not. Technically, you can medicate your child to stop acting out, or to stop talking, or to sleep 19-hours a day, but there is no medication that can actually make your little one learn the impossibly complicated task of paying attention and the secondary human grace of being able to dedicate due mental focus and concentration as it’s obviously needed to survive in this, our great wide world.. Our program doesn’t focus on medication or meditation, but on mental habits and patterns recognized perfectly and specifically to make your child pay attention, respect authority, and appreciate every second of life as it’s given out for the due appreciation it deserves. These patterns of defense are only mechanisms, no matter how clever, cute or sexy your child may outwardly seem. You know your child requires distance from you and that extra ounce of security.
How is this place similar or dissimilar to jail?
What a funny question, my goodness, I can’t imagine why this comes up so very, very frequently! We get this odd question more often than I care to admit, so I guess I’ll answer it, rather than make you keep asking and asking and asking it by email. Can believe it’s that common? Anyhow, while we promise our camp is very different from jail in some ways, there are obviously a few striking similarities to the other sorts of ways in which it’s almost identical. Similarities include that our meals are regular and regimented, the children wear what you might call ‘uniforms’, and the schedule of activities and wake/sleep patterns are fairly rigid, That’s pretty much where the similarities end. From there we move on to the dissimilarities.
· Our campers don’t face bars. They do have barriers, but they aren’t exactly bars, per se.
· Our campers are rarely subject to a secondary judicial system “on the inside”, though we can not guarantee it, and we do encourage internal, secondary systems of regulation, due to the regiment of concentration required to assemble and maintain such systems.
· Our campers would be free to leave at any time, technically, if they could only convince us they really wanted to leave, which none so far have, but we’re not closed to such a possibility.
· Our campers aren’t “given” new underwear, but are encouraged to earn it, either through our sanctioned incentive system, or on the “underground” market. We rarely permit underdog children to host skin infections due to their failures to earn such undies, but we encourage such active, concentrated behaviors ever since.
· Jails don’t care if you learn anything along the way. We don’t kick our kids out, we graduate them, and not because we let them pass with failing grades. Time has no bearing on release dates, only recovery and progress do that, so we’re treating as we’re training, not passing as we’re skipping..
· Jails don’t perform medical experiments, but we do, and only sometimes, and only as the free-market permits, and only to offset our camp costs..
· Jails are mostly black and Hispanic. Since 2003, we’ve only have about a half dozen of those darky type folks, but the overwhelming majority of our camp even today remains white and yid/heeb-white.
· Jails often do not permit physical activity, while our junior inmates are not just permitted, but required to participate in rigorous daily activities, and an assortment of off-book hierarchical intimacy/contact.
What about lawsuits?
We discourage lawsuits whenever possible, due to the outrageous costs our last few dozen have charged against our bottom line, both in terms of legal fees and settlements. We ask parents to sign a fairly large number of pretty standard waivers prior to the admission of children. In the event waivers are not signed prior to admission, it is effectively assumed that all forms and liability are de facto waived irrevocably in perpetuity.
Do kids ever get physically hurt?
Yes, kids get hurt all the time. Weren’t you a child once? Didn’t you also get hurt when you were a child? Whether your kids are at our camp or in your own back yard, things like skinned knees, bruised egos or serious disfiguration and/or dismemberment may be very real possibilities. We can’t say that no child has ever suffered a bump or scratch at our camp, or that none of our kids have suffered a lump to the noggin or a half-dozen compound fractures in a single tumble. Injuries happen, and you know that these things are part of growing up. What we do is teach your child how to deal with injury and come out of it stronger for the journey, and not play the victim role for the sake of “getting attention” anymore.
Do kids ever get emotionally hurt?
Emotional feelings are secondary matters, and they come in at a distant second at best. Kids are resilient, and she be treated accordingly. They can weather almost anything, even physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and being asked politely to move piles of bricks needlessly from one place to another, and back again, and then yet again back to the other place once more. A better question would be to ask if kids are ever emotionally hurt by NOT participating in concentration camp. The answer to that question is yes, because if your child doesn’t learn to overcome ADD and ADHD from a young age, without medication, the life they will surely lead will be one of strife, sorrow and perhaps even utter failure.
Do kids ever die at these “fun” camps?
Oh my yes! The way we think of it is like this; the odds of your child dying here at our camp may be very, very low, like perhaps 1:30, but if you don’t bring your child to us, the odds of your child growing up to be an unbearable prick is more like 1:1 or at very best, 1:3, but either way it’s better from our graduates. We never mislead parents about our admittedly curious human safety record, especially as it pertains to heat stroke (comment required as a part of the State of Arizona v. Kids Concentration Camps, LLC settlement), but these concerns are perfectly normal for children playing in the desert.
Are overseas programs safe?
Generally speaking, maybe, but if I wasn’t answering the question on the books, I’d say the for-real answer is “no”, because overseas programs are money-sapping, kid-destroying, people-ruining, family-decimating rip offs. Surely there must be some that are not entirely bad, but for the most part, they are all bad, period, no two ways about it. Very few camps outside the United States understand the nuances of ADD & ADHD. While you may find a very good camp for discipline, it is unlikely that you’ll find a qualified concentration camp overseas. Don’t be wooed by the low costs (which are only modestly discounted, even though their overheads are very low) of some of these third world institutions. Remember the old adage; you get what you pay for.
Overseas programs often lack regulation and accountability, and by “often” we mean “always”, and if you’re an outside agency that disagrees, you can take us to court, because this claim is defensible. Since they only have to abide by the rules of the deep-discounted nation in which they do business, and rarely they don’t even have to do that, they are not bound by the standard safety rules you expect from camps operating in the United States. Our camp, for example, employs a staff physician during daytime hours, and at least one nurse during overnight hours, thus increasing the likelihood the very worst will end up well.
If your child is comely and blonde, you may find difficulty retrieving your child from an overseas camp, only later learning that she was farmed out for contract sex work.
What about the rampant abuses I keep reading about all over the internet and in the news?
Military style boot camps have been haunted for decades by abusive staff members and the ghosts of children who have been lost to them. Think of it this way, if you send your child to camp, he/she MIGHT be abused. If you keep your child at home, he/she WILL be abused, even if only by the hands of their own ridiculous stupidity. If the abuse happens at our camp, you won’t go to jail for it. That right there counts for an awful lot. We won’t abuse your child, of course, but we’re just saying that this way you can be sure that you will NOT go to prison. And when it comes to the abuse of children, rest assured that if it’s going to happen, we’ll be the people to do it right.
I’m a divorced, (non)custodial parent, and my new partner doesn’t like kids
When it comes time to remarry or begin starting to date again, it’s all too common that your new love will not share your appreciation for your pre-existing child. We believe that, if your child really appreciated your new partner, and could concentrate on them, this problem wouldn’t arise. We encourage you to send your child to our camp to learn a new degree of concentration. Even if it takes some number of years, we are confident that your previous child will learn to appreciate your new spouse, and we’ll do our best to help you.
